Latest   How often do you fret? Lots December.24.2004 - 11:59 PM I cut off my leg. I wanted it and no reason not to argue that I needed it, but I cut it right off. I can't find a nice little tag to tack on to the feelings and thoughts going through my head lately. I can find a word.. which I'll keep to myself. Nothing is wrong and the funny thing that feels like what is wrong. Life seems like it is meant to be uncomfortable. I am sick, though. My health is deterierating daily. Probobly because I don't try. It is a very odd feeling of balance. I don't think I sleep much. Doesn't feel like it anyways. Something is missing. My personality, my entire building blocks as a human being is missing something and I am working much too hard to keep the walls from crumbling. Some natural programming built in at childhood that wasn't. I have bad table manners. I wonder how many people in the course of my life have noticed. I think it is important to eat because most people are more concerned about silly things like bowel movements and baseball. Your food misses you. I miss you too. What is so difficult about finding reasonability. You would think people would fight for it. People are dying. Abuse is infectious. Ignorance is curable. Stop trying, stop doing, start creating. Practice what you preach. Ain't that a peach? The religous for many years have given to those in need to help them out when they are down. Scientist for many years have done all they can to fix not sustain. Who is the saint? Stop your ridicule and look at the beauty of faith and the nessicity of exploration and understanding. Your friends need you so stop being so stuck up. If you don't trust them then go away. Your shadow is too tall and your chapter will be ending soon. Stop talking. Red Octagon. Eat less, consume more. Your lack of confidence is evident and it will swallow you. Never take advice from a man without teeth. Maintanence is the key building block to success.. You will never be a top 10 hit. Rap music sold its soul and will suffer. Rock and Roll already has. Metal heads need to not take things so seriously and punk rockers need to pay their dues. Popular music in all its forms will always be around. If you have a problem with it write your congress man. A record deal is not the top of the mountain.. find a better goal. How often do you wish someone was thinking about you? How often do you hold conversations in your head. You will never reach resolution debating your own opinion. True diversity is skin deep as you will learn in the work place. As long as you walk in line you can be any shade or shape around. Don't wear a hat though! They will hunt you down and correct you. There is no special someone out there for you. Everyone is special and just happens to be a someone... You are just a nit picky bastard. Don't express joy if you don't mean it matters are only going to get worse. Don't be so uptight, if life is really so bad go do something stupid and incredibly embaresing and get over it. I sometimes feel like I can tear down rooms with my bare hands. Early in the morning if you wake before the alarm clock goes off be thankful. When was the last time you layed on the floor? Sometimes my imagination gets a mind of its own and I start to get paranoid that someone is listening. I get scared a lot, but am trained in playing it cool. I don't want to play. Did you ever think it was funny that your parents were always really tired Christmas Morning? I don't want to be alone, I have to. Most celebrities are hypocrites and will die without ever acting. I am one of the greatest manipulators of all time and I am so sorry. I wish we were friends, but you would never hug me in public. I doubt who i really want to read this ever will, but I'm okay with that. I don't know what a verb is. Engineering is too complex and I will never be good at programming. I miss my forts. Merry Christmas. You are what you eat. Want a cookie? September.19.2004 - 9:31 PM I am much too tired to speak this with the passion I intended. I do have a need to write right now. I can wait for the moment to pounce on my thoughts and express them as vividly as possible. I could. I think I will just do it now though. It is true what the say.. "You are what you eat." Everything you are is what you consume. If you eat a chicken nugget the nutrients (?) are absorbed in your digestive system and it is no longer a chicken nugget it becomes a part of you. A blood cell or stored in a fat cell. Think about it. You are just a monstrous combination of whatever your diet happens to be. Every fat/muscle/blood cell. Your skin, bones, teeth, hair, stomach wall.. all if it is created out of what you put in your body. I don't think I am really hitting close to home on how important this concept is. You should not go a day of your life without thinking about it. Especially considering I am not talking about food. No. I am not going to leave this post open to ponder. I am going to explain exactly what it means. You can chew on all my other posts all you want because all of them have deeper meaning. If you sit and listen to one musician all day long and that is all you consume.. You are what you eat. If you sit and look at one painter all day.. day after day.. You are what you eat. If you read one author and one author only.. You are what you eat. Why even look into being an artist when your diet is fast food? All you eat day in and day out is burgers and fries. This week it is a chulupa next week it is a southwest chicken burger and the week after that.. whatever new crap is being served up to you. You are malnourished and it makes everything inside me twist.. Hatred. Man, have I never felt so much disgust and hatred. You don't deserve help and should not be saved from your state. You do not live in an artistic third world country. All the supplies and elements you need are at your finger tips and you make me sick. You worthless, ignorant, consumer. I am 5' 9" Late at night. August.20.2004 - 6:00 PM I wrote a story. SUPER! My previous update has nothing to do with livestock. Toddies angry. Even if your friends call you a loser and the only person you know that can feed your dog is your neighbor who eats a straight diet of french vanilla coffee you can be sure someone out there loves you. August.11.2004 - 6:07 PM Lost. Hungry. Dry. Without prejudice. Armed with your weapons you attack my animals like as if your brand is burnt bare. Thousands of bullets are pumped all around you until they become a steady nauseating rhythm to which you agree and conform to. Still you attack out of fear. Still you attack my cows. Seasonings ready.. Tonight will it be rump roast? My animals roam unarmed and unafraid to give their lives to you because you are so backed in your corner you think that the only way out is through. Who do you think you are? Trent? I am not severing your severity through seven severe separations of heavily sauced concoctions mixed until ready and refrigerated to maintain freshness! These are my animals. You cannot have them. If anyone will feed on there flesh it will be I who raised them, cared for them, sheltered them and killed them. You are NOT even supposed to be on my ranch. Who invited you? Hunting on my lands is not hunting at all you murderous anti-feces Nazi! I worked by the sweat of my brow for you. Studied, learned, practiced, feed, wept, laughed and hung myself out in the open for you and all you have to say is you are hungry. Starving yourselves on rice cakes until your very nervous system is tested to a limit to make a veteran cringe and now you taste blood. Here is a carrot you worthless ignorant consumer. "Sometimes a whale is just a whale." NO SUB TOPIC! July.25.2004 - 11:19 am I ate my friend Dane last night. In a battle for what's right. His side sworn to instant wonder. My side sworn to gluttonous plunder. I ate my friend Dane last week. His corpse is starting to really reak. Lost the battle in my mind. Gained a thought so hard to find. I ate my friend Dane last year. Made some art through some smear. I am the victor of all that fall. But, I miss him now.. most of all. If you knowledgably cannot win but fight on anyways is it honorable or idiocy? Obvious but not logical June.26.2004 - 2:33 pm Why is it that every couple years after stagnant apathy and boring works of art all across the board certain special pieces surface? These amazing works that go above and beyond everything and everyone. When this happens an immediate cry to learn more about the creator always comes with it. The creator has a couple of options to work with.. 1. Devour the attention and 'media opportunities' until your obese ego swallows you up so we never have to hear from you again or you fall off your horse and make more great work in your now weak state. 2. Use those reclusive super powers to the extreme degree until the storm passes over and it is safe to come out again. 3. Make pompous statements like "My work speaks for itself let's talk about something else" dodging option number 1 by a small hair but still soaking up the attention. Well, this list could really go on for thousands of options so forget it. We will leave it at those. Creating a story, a true story, is one of the most difficult things stabbing my eyes right now. A story that isn't horror or action. A love story or a drama. A story with proper grammar and using semicolons for something more then a typo. A story that is all of those things and more. A story that is funny as it is sad. Scary as it is comforting. Makes you feel love and it makes you feel hate. How do you do that when you can't form complete sentences or have about as firm a grasp on life as anyone else out there? I am fear. Full of reaching that peak on the mountain. Knowing damn well once I get there the only way to go is straight from there on and straight goes straight down. What casualty? How about a 300 ft plumet right off of creators cliff. People get up that mountain and commit creative suicide. Better to leave the game at the top then dwindle and burn to nothing they claim. Some get up there and are like a sadly mislead lemming.. So long. Some, very small sum, get up there and not even stopping to enjoy the view they start building cause they know the mountain is only the beginning. Hello Moon they shout. Hello Moon. ... Don't run May.21.2004 - 6:51 pm I hate that running feeling. The one that splits your spine down to your tailbone and makes you wonder if it will keep going into "the" cavaity in that area. Your thoughts are yours and mine are mine.. you know who you are. (No not you.. the other one). One day maybe a conversive attack. Maybe not. I hide and you seek. I have never felt so big and small at the exact same time. Motivational decadence? Belittling confidence? Hateful love? I have failed more times in my life then I want to count but only one matters. Have you ever pushed in hope that someone will pull? (I'm still not talking to you.. only the other). What are you wating for? No, no! What is it waiting for. Not who, or when, or what, or where. IT! The very thing I strive and drive for will be the exact thing that will lead to my very special casualty. Casualty doesn't always mean death so don't read in so much. However, most of the time it does. So let's not over or under examine anything let us just move on. I am weak, meak and humble. If everyone around you made up your house I would be the windows. Not of particular interest most of the time.. rather more interesting to peer though. So peer on! Washappeninnah! Nuffin May.02.2004 - 11:03 pm What is going on in the world of Sylpher? Short answer.. Music, Literature, Video games. Long answer.. Music. My musical ambitions have been picking up a bit as of lately. The sad state of the music industry in general is becoming an utter mockery of itself. Only the combination of ideas so increasingly potent in subjects from ecological impacts on modern day business to how to destroy a man using your fist and not leave bloodstains can bring forth a weapon powerful enough to destroy a cigar wielding man with an army of knowledgable laywers that do not distinguish between right and wrong but only legal and illegal. Short answer? Everytime you purchase an 'American Idol' artists CD you are butt raping all that is pure and good. So in essence you are butt raping an infant. Sick pedofile bastard! Clean up your act and get some morals! (Yeah I just said what I just said.) Literature. I am working on a book about drug use and angels. That is all you get. Video Games. The difficult thing about creating a video game, as well creating anything really, the magic and mystery is gone. I miss it. Even some masterpieces suck. I can prove it Feb.07.2004 - 4:07 pm So as I sit here with my pizza a fact that I have not wanted to face for a very long time is starting to turn what should be a peaceful afternoon into that feeling you get those soon precious moments after a demon like burning diarrhea attack. Painfully angry. Opinions. Something that truely makes this world a horrible place. I want to create something. Now, unless I keep that, whatever it may be, under a blanket or saved in the depths of my hard drive locked up to never ever be seen by anyones eyes people are gonna form an opinion about it. Hell, people will even form an opinion about this article. Some people reading these words right here do not like what they are reading. No matter how much time I dedicate myself to what I am working on. No matter how much research and creativity and accuracy and batman jokes I put into my project someone out there is gonna have the shithead attitude with some nit picky detail that they don't like. Some say 'Hey Sylpher! You are being pessimistic. You should focus on the people who do like it and say screw you to those who don't.' Which I very respectfully retort.. 'Screw you, then.' I want to focus on these people becuase you reading this right now are one of them. Somewhere in the great oceans of created, things.. is something you have a negative opinion on. Some band, painting, book, religon, race, drink, food, color, automobile, lego you for whatever reason dislike. So screw you.. every last one of you. Hey that was the advice you were giving me just a minute ago. Shut up! I know I am taking it out of context. I know I should work for the people who do enjoy it but it is an issue that personally bothers me. I can accept rejection so you can take your psychological labeling and find a nice new home in rectum, florida for them. It is the people who 'I dunno, just don't like them' that piss me off. If you dislike something I spend hours, and days and years of my life working on you damn well better have put more thought into then 'I dunno.. I just like whatever has a good beat.' Because I have good beats! I have the finest quality beats in north, south or west America.. Doesn't matter though you will dislike how fast it is. and if not you will dislike the message it is portraying. Maybe it is too profound for you or maybe it 'lacks enthusiasm'. Maybe it has a spelling error. Or maybe the main characters name is Bobby who is the name of the boy you just broke up with and your fragile little teenage heart can't bare to read the name Bobby cause everytime you see Bobby You cry so BOBBY BOBBY BOBBY BOBBY! So this was an enjoyable circle. The good ole tree just as she was on the last pass. This problem will forever stay unresolved. You will dislike something somewhere for no good reason. You just will. Old News Back-A-Rack! Sep.07.2003 - 2:13 pm I have not said it Once! Nor have I said it Twice! Nay! This is the third time I shall say this. If it isn't the last someone may die! I think I have finally come up with a layout I am really happy with. How's it look? True, it has many more images then what I usually do but I wanted something a bit more Wam-boom! I have made countless changes to almost every section. Some stuff added some removed so you may want to take a peak around and look at all the new stuff. As well, their are a couple new sites I am hosting so give them a look in the 'Sites' section. Peace! S.com Hacky Sep.27.2003 - 2:13 pm Incase you didn't see I was hacked recently. First time in a year and a half of being here. I laughed when I saw it but that is old news now if you wish to see the h@ck0r at hand.. Hackness.html Anyways, in other news my good friend Chris just graduated from the Art Institute of Phoenix with a BA in Animation and general kicking faces. So rock on for him. Things have been pretty silent here other wise. I hope that changes really soon.